
Author: Brittney M. Joseph
Date Created: December 18, 2024
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by other people’s demands? Or the unnecessary pressure you place on yourself to PLEASE everyone???!! Yes, I am talking to you. If so, you are not alone. Many of us struggle with setting boundaries, but learning to do so can be life changing. For me, it has been quite a journey of self-discovery as I have found my voice and confidence to be able to make the changes in my life toward my ultimate happiness! So, know that you are not alone, and as scary as putting your foot down about behaviors you want to put a stop to, it’s even more empowering to be at peace with decisions you are able to make on your behalf because YOU wanted to. Now does not that sound like something you would like to be a part of?
Whether you may have heard this or not, boundaries are described as invisible lines that help define what is acceptable and what is not in our interactions with others. They serve as guidelines for how we want to be treated and how we treat others, covering emotional, physical, and even time-related aspects of our relationships. Keep in mind, setting boundaries for a better quality of life is not only beneficial in personal relationships but even more important in your professional relationships as well.
Up until about 3 years ago, when I really came to a crossroads in my life and decided to do the work myself, I had no idea how boundaries truly worked. I had allowed people to cross boundaries throughout the better part of my life and did not even realize it! It was not until going through extensive therapy had I realized that not only was I unable to identify boundaries, but I may have crossed a line or two myself! (Didn’t expect for me to admit that did you? Lol). Well, my friends, accountability plays a MAJOR part in aligning your life with the right boundaries for you to create peace in your life. Trust me, as painful as it seems --- and at times it is --- it is necessary. And one of the MAIN areas of concentration are in Boundary Setting and Personal Accountability.
TYPES OF BOUNDARIES
Though there are several types of boundaries, I do have my favorite types that are a trend not only for myself but for my clients as well.
What are Emotional Boundaries?
Emotional boundaries refer to the limits we set regarding our feelings and emotional well-being in relationships. These boundaries help define what behaviors are acceptable and what are not, allowing individuals to engage with others without compromising their emotional health.
What are Physical Boundaries?
Physical boundaries refer to the personal space that an individual feels comfortable with when interacting with others: Personal Space: The immediate area surrounding a person, which they consider their own. Touch: The appropriateness of physical contact, such as hugs, handshakes, or other forms of touch. Proximity: The distance maintained during interactions, which varies culturally and personally.
What are Time Boundaries?
Time boundaries refer to the personal limits individuals set regarding how much time they spend on various activities, including work, social interactions, and self-care. As a single parent --- who also works full time --- one of the biggest boundaries that I have found myself being most consistent with are time boundaries as it relates to my self-care. Time is one of the things that are ALWAYS against us. One of the things that I have found with the lifestyle I have is to communicate upfront what I can and cannot work with. Being able to balance a never-ending list of responsibilities that sometime are centered around my child and their needs take a lot of time, energy and require consistency, leaving little wiggle room. However, when time IS devoted to sharing it with others whose schedule is more flexible and they are not considerate of being punctual or even communicating a shift in plans, it is a major turnoff for me. Especially when it is a continual offense. At this point, you must decide, “are these the types of individuals who I want to continue to put my effort towards?” Sometimes, it is worth delving into finding an answer; especially if this is someone you care about. Sometimes, it is best to create a boundary of whether you want to continue. Either way, exploring the nature of what you could be doing with that free time is worth every second (wink wink!) of your peace!
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS
In my quest for understanding who I am, I battled with the notion of whether I am being fair with the boundaries I’d started to create. It was the reactions of those who had later been identified by my biggest manipulators, which were mainly close relatives and friends.
Setting Boundaries Means You Do Not Love or Care for Them
Some feel that establishing boundaries may hurt loved ones or imply a lack of affection. However, boundaries demonstrate love and respect. They show that you value yourself and your relationships enough to communicate your needs. Healthy boundaries foster deeper connections by enabling open and honest communication. Another misconception is that people should just know your boundaries. Expectations that others should automatically understand your boundaries can lead to frustration and misunderstanding. It is essential to communicate your boundaries clearly. Be assertive and direct about what you need and expect from others. This clarity helps prevent confusion and promotes mutual respect.
Boundaries are ONLY necessary for TOXIC Relationships
Whether your interest in boundaries stems from a journey of healing or you want to unlock a new level of happiness, it is important to understand that boundaries are NOT ONLY necessary in toxic relationships. I REPEAT: Boundaries are not ONLY necessary in toxic relationships. While boundaries are crucial in toxic relationships, they are equally important in healthy ones. Everyone has the right to their own space and autonomy, regardless of the relationship's nature. Establishing boundaries can enhance all types of relationships, fostering mutual respect and understanding. It is good to routinely do a mental check-in on yourself; not just when you are at your highest level of stress. You deserve T-L-C!
CONCLUSION
Remember, setting boundaries is not about building walls; it is about creating a space where you can thrive. Every step taken toward setting healthy boundaries is a step towards reclaiming your time, energy, and peace of mind. You deserve to live authentically and nurture your well-being. I empower you all to begin to be more intentional about overall health. Taking full inventory into all areas of your life will reveal beautiful things about yourself you never thought imaginable!
As the year 2024 ends, make a declaration to yourself today to bring in 2025 with a renewed YOU! Cheers!
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